Marcos burial. Trump win. Black Friday protests. Tons of workload and tons of backlogs. Bonding with friends and spending quality time with Mark. Life.
These are some of the many things that could sum up how my unintentional hiatus went. At first, I thought I was just facing a temporary writing slump, but as days go by, it eventually developed into a full-on writer’s block, leaving me at a loss for words. It felt like I was sucked into a whole new world, a place where I couldn’t put my thoughts into sentences. Everywhere I looked, all I could see was a mumbo-jumbo of things — there were ideas and stories but there were no words to retell them. There was nothing but a wave of letters, drowning me every single time.
In my attempts to reclaim my missing writing mojo, I decided to refocus and relax. I went out with friends, spend time having fun, sought refuge by running to Mark, but nothing quite worked out. The world spiraling down didn’t help either, it just made me more and more anxious. I don’t know but there was something that’s quite off the past few weeks and I just couldn’t bring myself to create a post or anything at all. I’ve never felt so helpless until I found myself losing grasp with the one thing that I thought I knew how to do — to write.
For a while, my life was on autopilot, running around and chasing deadlines without no clear direction. I was sending e-mails and I find myself having a hard time expressing what I was about to say. My work started to get compromised, my side gigs starting to crumble down. I knew I needed to do so many things, but all my attempts to be productive would end up futile. I would find myself spending so much time on social media, distracting myself from the things that I should be facing. I could no longer find joy in words, and I would try to divert all the frustration by babbling around Twitter, liking a shit ton of statuses that I could relate to. My social media was very much alive, but I felt so empty inside.
Earlier this month, I decided to try bullet journaling. Obviously, like most of the things that I’ve attempted, I never got to stick to it. I’m trying, but I’ve been in and out of it, probably because I was also extremely frustrated with the writing slump that I am in. Most of its pages were still blank, with the first few pages splattered with some ideas that I thought I could work on. I guess there’s always a time to go back and restart again with this hopeful habit. I just hope that I could keep up.
Honestly, I am still not over the writing slump and I feel like I wouldn’t be over it in the next few days or weeks. But trying to put something out here was a step forward, and I guess that’s what matters. I know I wouldn’t get over it if I don’t help myself, and here’s how I help myself. I put whatever I have in my head and just let the free-flowing words speak for me, no matter how incoherent they might sound.
On a recent video that I put out on my Youtube channel (yes, apparently I have succumbed to the idea of vlogging), I answered a question of how I get inspiration for blogs. I said that I get it from my experiences, and then that’s when it hit me — I haven’t been fully truthful on this blog, and that my experiences are mostly trumped by more curated posts. I’ve been so focused into creating a niche for this space of mine that I’ve forgotten the essence of why I started this space in the first place — to document my experiences and remind myself of all the things that are worth remembering. Thus, this rather stripped down, unedited, and unapologetic chaos of a post.
I hope I get back on track. I have a lot of posts coming soon. But here’s how’s my life has been lately: blank, incomprehensive, unplanned, and not so productive.
I hope the last few weeks have been nice to you, my friend.
PS: In case you’re curious about my Youtube channel and all the things that I share there, here’s one of my latest videos: