This weekend has been pretty slow. Well, honestly speaking, the past few weeks has been terrifyingly slow for me. I started a new job three weeks ago, and while the workload is something manageable, I find myself collapsing in bed once I got home, letting go (yet again) of the things that have kept me alive during the daunting five months of unemployment.
It’s funny, really. I get to write more through work, and somehow I thought that would help me magically bring back the skills that I have been looking for. But right now, I feel like I have almost forgotten how to write in my own voice. I feel like I’m struggling to tap into my deepest thoughts and try to make a sense out of the nonsensical things that just keeps running through my head. For the past five months, writing for myself has brought out a different kind of satisfaction, but right now, I just keep on pacing around, looking at the blinking cursor and hoping to God that I would end up stirring something sensible that would actually reflect what’s in my head.
In my attempt to get the gears running, I decided to churn out a quick Sunday Currently post. I hope this would be a great start to keep things going again. Wish me luck.
This Sunday, I am currently…
READING: All the Light We Cannot See. I am STRUGGLING with the book and I just can’t seem go past the fragmented thoughts that the book presents. It is interesting, and the first few chapters were captivating, but it gets tiring when you feel like you’ve been reading sneak peeks instead of the real thing. I might give up on this and just proceed to reading something else.
WRITING: this entry, and hopefully, an article assignment that I was supposed to write yesterday. It’s so hard to keep on writing when you feel like every inch of your brain is so tired of functioning.
LISTENING: to the hum of my electric fan. The gentle tap, tap, tap of my fingers to this keyboard. My phone notifications and the silence of our small home.
SMELLING: nothing. What do I expect to smell in the middle of the night, anyway?
WISHING: that my brain starts to function well again, and that I could finish more things tonight.
HOPING: to wake up early tomorrow and finally go back to meditating and running before I go to work.
LOVING: the fact that I was able to book flights for my family next year. I’ve been wanting to do it for the longest time, but I just got the chance to do it a couple of days back during AirAsia’s seat sale. We’re flying to Bohol (I’m going to Bohol this year with Mark, but I don’t mind) and I’m pretty stoked for us to have a bonding time together. I was also able to book a flight to Puerto Princesa with Mark. As of the moment, I have 3 flights coming up for 2017 (including the first overseas trip that I booked!!!), and I’m stopping myself from buying more cheap fares to save up for a huge trip by December next year. LOL. HELP.
WANTING: an iced cold cup of coffee. But obviously, I can’t, because it’s 10:50 PM and that would be pretty contradicting to my wanting to wake up early tomorrow.
NEEDING: to fix my priorities and create a strategy that would let me catch up with everything that I’ve missed (a.k.a. new Dream Shirt updates and new project that I’ve been wanting to work on).
FEELING: like all the nerve on my body is awake. I don’t know anymore.
Soundcloud.com (looking for a nice background music for my new video! Naks!)